You May Be Right (and I'm not crazy)

Have you ever been in a discussion or meeting where the goal was to choose between two or three alternatives?    Especially in a setting populated by exceptionally bright and talented individuals, these kinds of meetings can become very ... spirited.    Exceptionally bright and talented individuals are frequently also very passionate and aren't afraid to call other ideas unworkable, impractical, or perhaps even just plain old stupid (As an engineering-type, I'd point out we are seldom known for our people skills).

If you find yourself in one of these types of discussions, you may discover an impasse which seems to be difficult if not impossible to overcome.   Each party will likely have very sound and very specific reasons why their particular approach is far superior to any of the others.    You may believe that your approach is in fact the best one based on the knowledge of the situation you possess.    What to do?  Try saying something like:

"You may be right, but I'd like to know why you think that".

Seriously.

I have found that saying these words, sincerely, does several important things:

o   It affirms that you respect the other individuals and their points of view

When a discussion becomes heated, it becomes easier to see the other people in the group as opponents.     This attitude is contagious; admitting that the other's idea may be better defuses this and helps turn the focus back to the ideas and not the people.

o   It opens communications (and your mind)

The individual receiving the above message will likely be happy to explain why they think the way they do.    Rarely, in a group of competent people, does a dumb idea get put forth and championed by a team member. As a result, asking the above question likely will provide you with some insight or information that you didn't have previously.   The reverse is also true - the other participants will be more open to listening and learning about your perspective.

o   It allows people to be heard in a receptive environment

One of the most frustrating things for members of a team is to not be heard, to be marginalized, or perhaps even be ignored.    By inviting input and commentary in this way, you avoid those dangers and instead facilitate teamwork.    Even if a particular idea is later rejected, the individual and the team will remember and appreciate the fact they had input people actually listened to and considered.

Being able to have a passionate discussion is  the mark of a team staffed with good talent; being able to draw people into the conversation and bring the team together without resentment or bitterness after the decision has been made is the mark of a great leader.  

I wish I had learned this at the start of my career; it would have made some time periods much less stressful.    But perhaps you think this approach is flawed in some way.   You may be right, but I'd like to know why you think that...